The Makeover from Hell

When I think about our Master bedroom/bathroom makeover, I start twitching uncontrollably, I get sweaty, and I can't get "Opposites Attract" by Paula Abdul out of my head - specifially the line, "one step forward, two steps back." She really was a lyrical genius, God rest her soul.

I am trying to be patient, but it really felt a week ago like all was coming together nicely, save for the drywall patch from where we installed a new light fixture in the vanity, but a few inches higher to accomodate the taller mirrors.

Now things have unraveled and I just feel like I'm about ready to torch this joint.

I'm sure most first-time homeowners who undertake a project like this (which requires no demo, no reno, basically is just painting and switching out a freakin light fixture) feel this way during their first project, yes? It's only 10:30 and I'm about to open a bottle of Johnnie Walker red label, and that secret reserve pack of Camels in the console of my Jeep (which is on life support) sounds quite relaxing. I can't imagine that me and the manchild both being absolute nitpickers really helps this process.

I have uncovered several flaws in myself that became quite evident during this process:

1. I am impulsive. It has to be. Done. Now. Not tomorrow. Not when we have a little more money. No. Now. As in yesterday. Now. Oh, Clayton's at work? No problem, the baby's sleeping, I'll just remove a 35 lb mirror from the wall by myself. Because it must be done now. It won't be okay if it's done in 90 minutes when he's home from work. If I wait, the earth's rotation will come to a complete halt and begin moving the opposite direction. I'm a brat.
2. I am impatient. Duh.
3. I am picky. If it's not exactly what I had in mind, I will not compromise. Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure that what I want exists only in my mind (a glass shelf that is 8" long and 3" deep, mounts to the wall with minimal hardware visible).
4. I am bitchy. Duh.
5. I am completely overwhelmed.
6. I am either going 100 mph without stopping, or 0 mph and can't start.

All these flaws taken into consideration, I have struck gold with my husband, for I have found really only two major flaws within my husband:
1. He's so tight he squeaks. Actually, that's kind of unfair to say in this situation. He doesn't understand J. Crew but he won't balk at the idea of an $80 light fixture, $150 to change out all the door hardware, hinges, and cabinet hardware, or possibly purchasing a several-hundred dollar ladder. Apparently, the "I'll get on my hands and knees and you can stand on my back" trick is a wee bit white trash.
2. He doesn't read the directions. Exhibit A: caulk.

I could make endless jokes about how he doesn't know how to use his caulk, how we have to remove his caulk because it was too thick and needs to be thinner, etc. but I'm 26. Suffice it to say that he was removing the caulk, then spackling and sanding until ONE AM. Spackling and sanding over what we just painted. ???

We finished painting like 3 days ago. Soooo I guess I'm confused as to why we painted in the first place, if we didn't get it right? I shall try to upload some pictures which illustrate how close we were to being finished - last Friday - and now how our bedroom/bathroom looks like Joplin, Missouri.

Random sidebar: Manchild just put the baby down for a nap. He then runs out to me and says, "I'm just going to play ONE SONG (on Guitar Hero) and then I'll start." Guitar Hero is like crack cocaine for a man. One song? Yeah, right. That's like me saying I'm just going to browse at Target. Fat. Freaking. Chance.

Stage 1 of the makeover: 1-1-12

The vanity area - after I dismantled the huge frameless mirror. Roughly 1-3-12

Painted up to the light fixture that would soon be removed. New mirrors put in place just so that I could feel like progress was being made, and to prevent me from drinking heavily. 1-3-12



Ahh so beautiful, if I do say so myself. The oil-rubbed bronze finish of the mirrors didn't match the satin nickel finish of the cabinet hardware and faucets, so we refinished the mirror frames to match. Yes we are nitpicky. But it does make a difference. There was also a drywall repair patch that needed to be painted, but you can't really see it with the lighting.



New bedding, some new kitschy crap on the ladder shelf, stencil wall has been finished, all is well with the world - until we replace the bedroom furniture with something more modern. I may try to make an upholstered white headboard. 1-13-12

"I thought you were done! I don't wanna play in my high chair while you work! I wanna crawl around and find the electrical sockets that don't have covers!" 1-15-12. This is after Manchild decided that we needed to recaulk the sink and tub.

This morning. FML. The caulking was too thick, so it had to be removed. Then the area that had the caulking removed had to be spackled and sanded. FML.

As of yet unusable bathroom. I love taking showers in Collins's bathroom. She has way better bathtime toys than I do.

Oh, hey shower shit, all over the floor!

Oh hey, all my lovely clothes, heaped into a pile on the floor, because I can't even get into my closet because it's full of paint cans and room makeover supplies. 1-21-12. The sheets are missing because Collins dumped over a bottle of formula on our bed. Yipee!

If this God-forsaken project isn't done by tomorrow, and I mean DONE, I am going to freak out. Living in disarray is now the norm, and I feel like I belong on an episode of Clean House Comes Clean.