Twice in one Day???

I am, of course, referring to blogging. I have no idea what you're talking about. Collins was conceived immaculately. Just like I was, and just like my sister and brother were.

I just want to know why in the HELL E! is still airing Kim K's wedding special? Talk about beating a dead Armenian. Jesus, they got married like 4 months ago, pretty sure they are already calling it quits.Why remind us? I don't have to watch the 17-hour "special" to know everything about this wedding. Tacky? Check. Over-the-top? Check. Complete lack of humility? Check. Glaringly obvious noveau riche celebretards? Check.

How many times do you people have to air this "special" to convince yourselves that it was money well-spent, and that they aren't actually "Living Separate Lives!" It's like when someone continually makes a point to talk (when no one asked) about how perfect their life is, and how perfect their marriage is, and how they pity anyone else who doesn't have their life. Its so obvious that they are insufferably miserable. No one's life is that perfect. Anyone who says it is, is trying to convince herself that her life doesn't suck. I'm not saying that it isn't possible to be truly grateful for everything in life - but its like, who are you trying to convince? Me, or yourself?

Clayton has spent the better part of the decade, I mean evening, replacing all the polished brass knobs and hinges in the bathroom and pantry doors and cabinets. Wow. What  a job. Who knew it would take FOUR friggin HOURS. It looks so much better though.

Well it appears that Carlisle has taken his relationship with his hump bear public. Some people complain that their dog humps anything it can. I don't really have that complaint. Carlisle doesn't hump anything except hump bear. I appreciate that. I don't want him out there being a player pimp. I just think he's getting too serious with this bear. He's been monogamous with this bear since we got him, but she was always downstairs. We would come home from Lincoln and he would hightail it downstairs to get a little sweet lovin. That was fine. Like a friend-mom - if you're going to do it, do it under my roof.

I don't need to see my sweet little 4 pound dog hump himself inside out. Well now he drags this bear with him everywhere he goes. The bear is bigger than he is. Carlisle is a chubby chaser apparently. I'll be playing with Collins, or sitting with her on the floor playing with her and her toys, and Carlisle will bring us his bear and drop it on my lap. Like, thanks bro but I don't want to play with your disgusting jizz bear. But he's persistent that I embrace this relationship. I think he's going to be bringing her around a lot more regularly. He certainly has the basic positions mastered. I bet you can guess which one is his favorite.

Well now that we are all thoroughly grossed out, Clayton is telling me to come check out "how amazing these oil-rubbed bronze hinges and cabinet pulls look!" Gotta go congratulate him on a 4-hour job well done.