I have been to multiple places today, Collins is having what we like to call a "Good Day." Her teeth aren't bothering her, and she doesn't have a chip on her shoulder, so we set about town to accomplish the things I couldn't get done yesterday because she was possessed by the Tooth Devil. Believe me, we tried, but it looked pretty bad because everytime we changed her outfits, she would barf on herself. I guess that's an indicator of teething (or an exorcism of the Tooth Devil), along with a fever, runny nose, and diarrhea (hope you are eating right this second.) So in an effort to avoid looking like a shitty mom with a sick baby, we stayed home and watched the America's Next Top Model marathon.
Back to the point of this entry: I am perfectly aware that I have the quintessential Aryan child. Beautiful little girl. Hitler, damn him, would give Clayton and me a high five. Well, he would try, but we would leave him hanging because he was a total dick. Dark blonde hair, huge navy blue eyes, two teeth sprouting up on her bottom gums. The beautiful little baby girl, Lisa, who went missing the other day in the Northland is also blonde/blue eyed with two bottom teeth. I feel for the parents of this little girl, and I prayed for this little girl and her family so hard last night that I began to cry, just imagining an iota of the pain and anguish they must be feeling.
But to people who see Collins and me at Pottery Barn, Victoria's Secret, and Price Chopper, please stop looking at me as though I swiped this kid. Collins's face is NOT on the back of a milk carton.
For one, Collins is almost 7 months old and when people first see her they guess that she is about 4-5 months old. She's a petite, tiny little thing...odd considering that Clayton and I are 6'2 and 5'10. Clayton is very very slim due to his anorexia, and although I see myself as the size of a pregnant wildebeest, from what I hear my build fits somewhere between Giselle Bundchen and Rosie O'Donnell. We are not huge people, so maybe that's where her petiteness comes from. Regardless, she's nowhere near being the age or size of your typical 10-month old baby.
Secondly, most people have seen the picture of this little missing baby. As cute as she is, she looks nothing like my Collins. Collins isn't fair-skinned, and she sure isn't close to standing or walking. Hell, I can't even get the lazy girl to sit on her butt without her toppling over. We're working on it. So, point being that on paper, every blonde/blue eyed baby girl with two bottom teeth is going to remind you of the missing baby. But my child is the spitting image of Clayton some days, and me on other days (usually on what we like to call her "Bad Days.")
Third, Collins and I venture into this particular Price Chopper about 2 days a week. Same staff every time, they always recognize us. So, to the New Girl, unless baby Lisa's mom is Casey Anthony, I've been bringing my kid to this store for 4 months longer than this sweet baby has been missing.
I don't mean to be hostile. If it was my baby that was missing, I would probably want everyone on high alert as well. But come on, don't point and whisper in the dinnerware section of Pottery Barn and then come up to me and say, "Your baby is so cute! She looks an awful lot like the missing baby. (waits an awkward second and examines Collins further) She's too small though, to be that baby." Uhhh, YA THINK? Hopefully my appalled look and response of, "Thanks...I...think?" was good enough. Because there is only one blonde/blue eyed baby girl in the entire Kansas City metro area?
I really did pray last night, so hard, for this little girl to be somewhere safe, someplace warm, with lots of warm milk in her tummy, and that she gets back to her mommy and daddy. Only a mommy and daddy can snuggle a baby exactly how she wants to be snuggled.
I had to make an appointment with a pediatric ophthamologist for Collins. My mom confirmed what I suspected all along, but never verbalized because I hoped I was imagining things: Methinks Collins's right eye is a tad lazy. Its most noticeable when she is tired, but sometimes it wanders off when we are playing or just hanging out. Luckily it is easy to fix.
But now I'm constantly on high-alert for karma to zing me again. I knew I shouldn't have made fun of Vienna from Bachelor/Bachelor Pad. It always comes back to bite me in the ass.
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